Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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