this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
