It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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