Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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