I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
