and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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