there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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