I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
