We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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