god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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