It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
