miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
