is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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