I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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