Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
