She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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