if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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