I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
