Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
it glows. i had to have it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
