My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
