so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
