i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
