Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
