You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
