I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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