i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
