Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
