My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
