I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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