I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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