Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
