I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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