Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
