the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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