Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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