ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
