Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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