Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
