paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
