Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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