Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
