I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize