she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
