Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize