Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think people are normalizing furries
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
