does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
