i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize