Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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