I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
