That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize