this beer tastes like vomit already
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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