Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
