They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
