You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
