I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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