One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
