Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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