when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
