Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My bed smells like the plague
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
