I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
