I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
