Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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