I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
