so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize