the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
