Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
