alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
